How not to handle being a golf widow with dignity

As you will notice, I haven't been blogging much recently, largely due to the fact that I am back to being busy and as I discussed in a previous post, love that.

Have got back to equilibrium after a bit of a set to with Hades on Saturday.  He had gone booked a days golf a while before, asking me in advance if it was OK.  I was in a happy up mood and it seemed no problem.  Then the day came and he was getting ready to go.  I had the day opening up before me with both kids in a city where doing things is at best challenging and at worst impossible.  So, without really realising what I was doing, I tried the guilt trip.  I had learnt this at my mother's knee, she was a master at the flaming matyr game. It all seemed so unfair, why should I not have the day off, why couldn't I spend time with my friends doing what I enjoy doing.

So despite the tears and the attempts to make him feel bad, he went.  The day was OK but not great.  We got out to do things but then number 2 child felt ill and we had to come home.  There was then a series of little problems and demands which meant by the time he got home at 9pm - there were problems with getting a lift - I was furious.  I felt used and very,  very cross.  It led to a row on our classic line when Hades, he doesn't often lose his temper, went to bed very early.  I then badgered him until he told me what I had done wrong and so it went on.  I ended up walking to the shops at 11 o'clock at night and feeling very hard done by.

But at heart I knew I was being unfair and maybe a bit jealous that he was the one with the friends and a hobby which made him happy where I have yet to build that cohort.  Sure he should have rung to let me know he was OK and yes, I still think its wrong to turn off your phone while playing golf, surely the kids and I are more important than a playing a game, but at heart I was wrong.  He would never do that to me.

We did make it up at the end and come to a decision about how to stop it happening again in the future. Involving a friends way of putting a month planner up for all to see.  Once its agreed and up on the planner, neither of us can complain, make a fuss or above all try the guilt trip on the other.

Hades and I have been married almost 14 years and while it could be seen as depressing that we are still having to sort things like this out, there is a positive way of looking at it.

It means that our marriage is a living, changing thing which needs regular maintenance.  If by having this silly row we sort a problem out, surely it has been for the best.

So at the risk of being soft, here are

5 Positive Things About Being Married

1. The small things can mean the most, the cup of tea being you really wanted arriving without you saying a word, finding that your partner has done the washing up when you should have and the kitchen is shining
2. There is someone to fight your corner even when you know you are wrong
3. Your partner can beat you at Scrabble every time for 14 years and still want to play
4. The cuddle at the end of row which means I still love you, you silly old moo
5. Knowing that someone thinks your company is worth fighting to keep

Persephone in Paris