Why its important to get off your bum even if you don't feel like it ..

Isn't it strange, that even when you know something is good for you, that it will make you feel better, it is sometimes very hard to do it.

Hades is away at the moment on a business trip.  That leaves me with the children in Cairo.  The weeks are fine, if tiring, because the routine keeps us going.  But on Friday and Saturday you wake up and realise that a day stretches before you and you don't have any friends to visit, or free Museums to fall into, or surrogate dogs to walk, or anything really to do.  Of course there are things to do, but finding something that will entertain both a hormonal boy and a pre-teen girl, can be a challenge.

So Friday, we just about got through in one piece.  Things got done, some Christmas cards were made and school uniform for the "Winter" was bought.  Saturday came and I felt very sorry for myself.  I lay in bed with a cup of coffee thinking I should be doing interesting challenging intellectual things with the kids rather than let them watch crap American teen telly or play on the computer.

And now I get to the core of the matter.  At around 9.30 I realised that I had to do something to turn the day around.  My instinct was to crumble back under the duvet and ignore the day but I knew that this would be A BAD THING TO DO.  So I got up and got the kids on the bus for the new University Campus, having thrown swimming things in a bag.

We got there and found the pool, only to find that it was a women's only hour.  Even that was fine, teenage son went off to explore in the nice safe campus confines and daughter and I went for a swim.  For a blissful 45 minutes we had an olympic size swimming pool in the warm sunshine all to ourselves.  It was blissful and relaxing and felt like the sort of spot-light memory which remains clear and perfect despite years passing by.

The son returned having obviously eaten unsuitable things looking very pleased with himself.  We all then went to explore the campus sports facilities and finished off with a huge Subway sandwich.  We even made the bus and got back in lots of time for relaxed homework and a film.

The real point of this story in my positive life, is to remind myself how a day can hinge on one moment of decisiveness, of deciding to get of my bum and just do something, anything really, rather than nothing at all.  In a small sort of way, I felt that we had had an adventure.  Not having Hades with me meant I had to handle it all and although it was a small achievement, when we arrived back feeling good, I felt good too.

So here are five positive things about getting off your bum and doing something .....

1. Your pull the day out of its rut and make a new sort of day that you have never lived before.
2. It opens the door to wonderful experiences that are more joyful for being unexpected
3. Maybe just for that day your kids see you as a more rounded person who can do unexpected things like stand on their hands in the swimming pool or cover a length in front call in a really quite rapid time
4. You can go to bed in the evening thinking, I did that, I made that day.
5. And when you are tempted to sit on the couch again, doing nothing, you have a vivid memory to pull you up and out into a fresh new day.

How not to handle being a golf widow with dignity

As you will notice, I haven't been blogging much recently, largely due to the fact that I am back to being busy and as I discussed in a previous post, love that.

Have got back to equilibrium after a bit of a set to with Hades on Saturday.  He had gone booked a days golf a while before, asking me in advance if it was OK.  I was in a happy up mood and it seemed no problem.  Then the day came and he was getting ready to go.  I had the day opening up before me with both kids in a city where doing things is at best challenging and at worst impossible.  So, without really realising what I was doing, I tried the guilt trip.  I had learnt this at my mother's knee, she was a master at the flaming matyr game. It all seemed so unfair, why should I not have the day off, why couldn't I spend time with my friends doing what I enjoy doing.

So despite the tears and the attempts to make him feel bad, he went.  The day was OK but not great.  We got out to do things but then number 2 child felt ill and we had to come home.  There was then a series of little problems and demands which meant by the time he got home at 9pm - there were problems with getting a lift - I was furious.  I felt used and very,  very cross.  It led to a row on our classic line when Hades, he doesn't often lose his temper, went to bed very early.  I then badgered him until he told me what I had done wrong and so it went on.  I ended up walking to the shops at 11 o'clock at night and feeling very hard done by.

But at heart I knew I was being unfair and maybe a bit jealous that he was the one with the friends and a hobby which made him happy where I have yet to build that cohort.  Sure he should have rung to let me know he was OK and yes, I still think its wrong to turn off your phone while playing golf, surely the kids and I are more important than a playing a game, but at heart I was wrong.  He would never do that to me.

We did make it up at the end and come to a decision about how to stop it happening again in the future. Involving a friends way of putting a month planner up for all to see.  Once its agreed and up on the planner, neither of us can complain, make a fuss or above all try the guilt trip on the other.

Hades and I have been married almost 14 years and while it could be seen as depressing that we are still having to sort things like this out, there is a positive way of looking at it.

It means that our marriage is a living, changing thing which needs regular maintenance.  If by having this silly row we sort a problem out, surely it has been for the best.

So at the risk of being soft, here are

5 Positive Things About Being Married

1. The small things can mean the most, the cup of tea being you really wanted arriving without you saying a word, finding that your partner has done the washing up when you should have and the kitchen is shining
2. There is someone to fight your corner even when you know you are wrong
3. Your partner can beat you at Scrabble every time for 14 years and still want to play
4. The cuddle at the end of row which means I still love you, you silly old moo
5. Knowing that someone thinks your company is worth fighting to keep

Persephone in Paris 

So how does it get to be a new month and I have not posted.  In part I have been busy, getting the kids to school - have I mentioned how early they have to leave - then me to work, back from work, washing, shopping and occasional cooking.  It all runs into itself so that days can go buy in happy activity.

Thinking about it, the lack of a post is in some ways a sign of positive things.  Looking back at my life I have always been my most happy when most occupied.  When I was in London and meant to be working on my PHd but in fact working three jobs, it felt wonderful.  When I was first working in Marketing, putting in  hours that would probably kill me now, on the whole I was happy.  The tiredness at the end of a day, the drinks out on a Friday evening, felt good.  Of course if you were with me then, I probably complained quite a bit because I didn't realise how right it felt, but that I suppose is the benefit of hindsight.

On the other hand, the time I lost my way most, was when I wasn't working at anything outside the home, and the structure that holds me together was taken away.  I simply find it easier to have a routine imposed and then I can blossom, get more done, think and achieve.  Maybe I should blame going away to school where everything, from getting up in the morning to going to bed at time was regulated by bells.

All of this is a prelude to saying that no blog about being positive may mean I that I don't need it so much at the moment.  True I am at that happy moment of the hormonal rollercoaster when I really feel great.  If I put my mind to it, I can be witty and bright and even fairly attractive in the right lighting.  But also I do feel I have rather given myself up to life here.  On the principle that if you can't beat them join them, that is what I am trying to do.  Child 2 is soon to go away on a school trip which she is very excited about.  Its an opportunity she would never had had at home so I embrace it, despite the worries about getting there and so on.   Child 1 is in the squad for the football team, a thing he would never have had the confidence to do because of bullying at home, again, I embrace the change in him.

In the gap since my last post I have started learning two new things, Arabic and golf.  One is essential and the other is in order to spend time with my husband in doing something he loves.  Both things felt good.  The experience of beginning makes me feel younger, healthier and more alive.  I have to acknowledge that my ages will slow the learning process up but my brain actually feels happier for it, like is saying thanking by dancing to a new tune.

So with this in mind here is ..

Five Positive Things About Learning Something New 

• You can feel you brain wake up and stretch its muscles after a long sleep
• Suddenly its like opening the door to other new things which you didn't even know were there
• You lay yourself open to making mistakes, which is a good reminder that life is all about making them and learning from them
• Learning a new skill is like being young again, when everything was possible
• Who knows, maybe the new skill will lead in ways you can not even dream of in the future.

Persephone in Cairo

Goodness, I am getting bad at posting.

Things have got a bit hectic here in Cairo largely because we are running up to number 2 child's birthday and it seems to take a long time to organise even the simplest celebration.  The Arabic lesson had to be moved - again - and presents bought.  A cake has been sourced for purchase and number 1 child has made up a wonderful treasure hunt to find a final present.  He did it off his own bat, and spent hours on it, and it made me swell with happiness to see the pleasure he was taking in doing something for his sibling.

Work continues to be surreal and full of scraping.  But small things are being done, and each time we do a job, although we will probably have to do it again, I put a mental tick in my head for a task completed.  While it achieves nothing practical, it makes me feel as though I am moving forward and contributing, which in my year of living positively, can only be good.  As it is nearly the end of the month, my first wage packet will arrive soon, and that fills me with a wonderful sense of anticipation.  I paid myself when I ran the shop, and when I worked in London, it arrived cleanly into the bank account.  It was only working working in a wine bar in London while I was a student that I got a wage packet, and the joy and possibility that little brown envelope brought comes back to me now.  I wonder if people were still paid that way, there would be less debt in the western world.  Holding your resources for the month gives a great sense of power and responsibility.

But to get to the subject of my post, all of this activity, a couple of weeks ago would have sent me into a melting puddle of perspiration.  Up until yesterday, the weather remained hot, even for Cairo, and each day a good five minutes was spent discussing when the season would turn.

But today, I woke up and went onto the terrace and yes, I almost needed to get a cardigan.  A light one but a cardigan, nevertheless.  For a few minutes I felt truly sad not to be England now that Autumn is in full swing.  It has always been my favourite season, far outweighing Summer.  For some strange reason, the chill of a bright Autumn day with soft light falling through trees which seem to be on fire, makes me feel very alive and vital.

But this year I will miss it and it made me feel very melancholic.  But then I focused on the change here and although it is more subtle it too holds real beauty.

So here are my five positive things about the turn of the season in Cairo:

1. For the first time since we arrived we slept without the aircon, the quiet was fabulous
2. As it cools down I feel like a cat unfurling from a long sleep in the sun, awake and ready to explore
3. Walking in the cool of the streets allows you to stop a really look, no longer desperate to get in and out of the heat
4. The idea of physical exertion become pleasurable rather than a drain
5. The slippers can come out of hibernation

Persephone in Cairo

Why did I ask child number 1 to suggest a subject?

One of the great things about moving abroad is that there are less distractions to keep the family apart.  We are living in an apartment which is big, but because it is on one level, it is much harder for us all to hide in our individual rooms.  Although I have always stuck to my guns on the no TVs in children's bedrooms, there was one in mine and in the sitting room, so the family could scatter to watch what they wanted.

I have also realised how much I could distance my husband, who is not a great TV watcher, because I love it so.  It led to quite a few rows which I always ended up feeling hurt after.  Why should I not be allowed to sate my need for escape?  I always knew, deep-down, that my reliance on it was bad.  It did stop me doing new things, simply because I felt I did not have the time for them.  The old saying that  moderation is the answer, really is the key.  Now we are here, only the programmes I really enjoy, are alluring enough to make me search through websites to watch them in snatches.

How, I hear you asking, has this got anything to do with child number 1.  Well a few nights ago, on an evening which at home we would have been inside watching TV, we were outside on the balcony.  The husband and Number 1 Child were playing Chess, I was reading and Number 2, was already in bed.  My blog came up in the conversation and I suggested number 1 child think of something to base my 5 positive things on.  I haven't let the children read the blog because, somehow it doesn't feel right, but I talk about it with them.  I think it is very important for them to know that their parents too have to keep struggling to make their lives the best they can be: that hard work and determination don't end when you leave the classroom.

Child 1 went quiet and then smiled, "I know", he said, "how about football".  His, face cracked in a devilish grin, obviously thinking he had come up with a subject so difficult that I would finally have to retire beaten into the ranks of ex-bloggers.

Five positive things about football - at first sight this does appear fiendishly hard.  In our arguments about TV I have pointed out that the husband can easily watch hours of sport. Football, golf, tennis, snooker - it really doesn't matter.  His answer is always that it isn't TV, its real life.  This would always provoke the stock girly answer that its not real life, its normally men hitting balls of different sizes around different courts.  I will never pretend to understand the allure of football completely.  Don't get me wrong, when the husband and I were first going out, I did really enjoy the matches we went to see.  We lived together through the ecstasy and the agony of most of Euro '96 and we went to some great matches around the UK.  Being part of the atmosphere, the noise and the emotion, and being able to see the real skill of the players, was a great experience.  But, I would be lying if I said that I was terribly upset when the national side got knocked out of the world cup, or the team I sort of support, lost again.  It would give a moments regrets and then it would pass.

But, just because I don't understand it, doesn't mean its not important to the men of my family.  My son has recently rediscovered football, having lost interest for a while.  I fell in love with the football loving man so why should I seek to change this part of his character, even though I will never understand it.

So, at the risk of howls of laughter from any passing male into sport, here are my .....

Five Positive Things About Football

1. When the lines of communication are hard to keep open between teenage son and father, a mutual love of football can be the bridge that keeps the traffic flowing
2. Standing on the touchline, cheering on your children, both boys and girls, is a great way to show you care for them
3. Playing football can be a brilliant way to learn how important teamwork is in life
4. Its a universal language which bridges the gaps between the Egyptian street child and the expat
5. The Italian Football Team!

With no apologies for no 5, Persephone in Cairo

A Hobby of ones Own

I have just got back from my weekly rehearsal at the Choir I sing in here in Cairo.  My weekly Tuesday rehearsal is something I look forward to each week.  I have sung in a fairly mediocre way since I was at school and it has been something I have loved doing ever since.

To those who are addicted to singing in a choir, I need not explain why it is such a life enhancing thing.  But for those who aren't there is something almost magical about learning a new piece of music, practicing it until you think you can practice no more and finally, you hope, becoming part of a choir which sings with one voice.  At at its very best, you can achieve moments of such joy, when the whole choir is breathing, thinking and singing as one living creature, which it is near to ecstasy 

For quite a few years, because of family commitments, I hadn't been able to go along and sing regularly and had given in up.  And now that it is back in my life I realised how important it is in particular and how important having some sort of hobby is in general.

While I am at choir, I can recapture the enthusiasm and passion for doing things that somehow has got a bit lost along the way.  It is is an activity which has nothing to do with work or family, which is just my own.

So, with apologies to non singers, here are my ...

Five Postive Things About Singing ......

1. At the end of a really good sing your brain is left dancing and alive
2. Learning to breathe to support and sustain brings benefits outside of singing
3. Singing in a choir is a wonderful way to connect with people who share your enthusiasm
4. If you can feel confident to make an entry confidently, find its wrong, lead your whole section astray, and still go back for more, you can tackle most things in life
5. When you perform your family can see you in a whole new light, with talents of their own

Persephone In Cairo

The Big Dipper

Its now Monday and I am sitting outside on the roof terrace of the flat.  The weather is still warm and the lights and noise of Cairo are all around.

I realise that the two days have gone by without my writing a blog.  Saturday was just a very tiring day, a whistle stop trip across town to the biggest shopping mall in Cairo to buy clothes and a router, and then a party for child 2, the first she has been to in Cairo.  By the time homework and preparation for school was done, so was I.  Sunday, meant work, and signs of movement with the arrival of reinforcements from the parent company.

However, the true reason for the blog gap was the arrival of the hormonal downer which is starting to make its presence known.

From the time I was 11 I have lived on a hormonal rollercoaster which takes me up to sensations of near joy and down to a pit of sadness.  I know  that many believe the hormonal argument is just an excuse to be moody, and as a very moody person, there may be something in that.  But the fact that quite unexpectedly the rollercoaster went away when I was pregnant proves it plays a major part in my changing feelings.  My husband swears he knew I was pregnant with my first child because the expected monthly fall off the edge of the pit simply didn't arrive.

I say this just to introduce the fact that it is precisely in the next few days that I should be writing the blog most assiduously because it is when I most need it.  I am hoping that I can use my five positive thoughts to get me through the dip or at least smooth it out a bit.

I am therefore putting down in writing my five positive thoughts to get me through these days so that in my hour of need I have them ready to fight the demon:

Five Positive Things to think when on the hormonal rollercoaster:

1. This too will pass and in a few days I will be in the sunny uplands of happy thought
2. My friends and family love me wherever I am on the rollercoaster
3. Its the perfect excuse to eat chocolate which they say is packed with happy hormones
4. When feeling really overwhelmed with all that there is to do, start one job, finish, and move on to the next - positive activity can pull you out of the trough
5. Make a pact with myself that just today I am not going to let the sad feeling creep in but not be too harsh on myself if I fail, because tomorrow I will try again.

Persephone in Cairo