Why its important to get off your bum even if you don't feel like it ..

Isn't it strange, that even when you know something is good for you, that it will make you feel better, it is sometimes very hard to do it.

Hades is away at the moment on a business trip.  That leaves me with the children in Cairo.  The weeks are fine, if tiring, because the routine keeps us going.  But on Friday and Saturday you wake up and realise that a day stretches before you and you don't have any friends to visit, or free Museums to fall into, or surrogate dogs to walk, or anything really to do.  Of course there are things to do, but finding something that will entertain both a hormonal boy and a pre-teen girl, can be a challenge.

So Friday, we just about got through in one piece.  Things got done, some Christmas cards were made and school uniform for the "Winter" was bought.  Saturday came and I felt very sorry for myself.  I lay in bed with a cup of coffee thinking I should be doing interesting challenging intellectual things with the kids rather than let them watch crap American teen telly or play on the computer.

And now I get to the core of the matter.  At around 9.30 I realised that I had to do something to turn the day around.  My instinct was to crumble back under the duvet and ignore the day but I knew that this would be A BAD THING TO DO.  So I got up and got the kids on the bus for the new University Campus, having thrown swimming things in a bag.

We got there and found the pool, only to find that it was a women's only hour.  Even that was fine, teenage son went off to explore in the nice safe campus confines and daughter and I went for a swim.  For a blissful 45 minutes we had an olympic size swimming pool in the warm sunshine all to ourselves.  It was blissful and relaxing and felt like the sort of spot-light memory which remains clear and perfect despite years passing by.

The son returned having obviously eaten unsuitable things looking very pleased with himself.  We all then went to explore the campus sports facilities and finished off with a huge Subway sandwich.  We even made the bus and got back in lots of time for relaxed homework and a film.

The real point of this story in my positive life, is to remind myself how a day can hinge on one moment of decisiveness, of deciding to get of my bum and just do something, anything really, rather than nothing at all.  In a small sort of way, I felt that we had had an adventure.  Not having Hades with me meant I had to handle it all and although it was a small achievement, when we arrived back feeling good, I felt good too.

So here are five positive things about getting off your bum and doing something .....

1. Your pull the day out of its rut and make a new sort of day that you have never lived before.
2. It opens the door to wonderful experiences that are more joyful for being unexpected
3. Maybe just for that day your kids see you as a more rounded person who can do unexpected things like stand on their hands in the swimming pool or cover a length in front call in a really quite rapid time
4. You can go to bed in the evening thinking, I did that, I made that day.
5. And when you are tempted to sit on the couch again, doing nothing, you have a vivid memory to pull you up and out into a fresh new day.

How not to handle being a golf widow with dignity

As you will notice, I haven't been blogging much recently, largely due to the fact that I am back to being busy and as I discussed in a previous post, love that.

Have got back to equilibrium after a bit of a set to with Hades on Saturday.  He had gone booked a days golf a while before, asking me in advance if it was OK.  I was in a happy up mood and it seemed no problem.  Then the day came and he was getting ready to go.  I had the day opening up before me with both kids in a city where doing things is at best challenging and at worst impossible.  So, without really realising what I was doing, I tried the guilt trip.  I had learnt this at my mother's knee, she was a master at the flaming matyr game. It all seemed so unfair, why should I not have the day off, why couldn't I spend time with my friends doing what I enjoy doing.

So despite the tears and the attempts to make him feel bad, he went.  The day was OK but not great.  We got out to do things but then number 2 child felt ill and we had to come home.  There was then a series of little problems and demands which meant by the time he got home at 9pm - there were problems with getting a lift - I was furious.  I felt used and very,  very cross.  It led to a row on our classic line when Hades, he doesn't often lose his temper, went to bed very early.  I then badgered him until he told me what I had done wrong and so it went on.  I ended up walking to the shops at 11 o'clock at night and feeling very hard done by.

But at heart I knew I was being unfair and maybe a bit jealous that he was the one with the friends and a hobby which made him happy where I have yet to build that cohort.  Sure he should have rung to let me know he was OK and yes, I still think its wrong to turn off your phone while playing golf, surely the kids and I are more important than a playing a game, but at heart I was wrong.  He would never do that to me.

We did make it up at the end and come to a decision about how to stop it happening again in the future. Involving a friends way of putting a month planner up for all to see.  Once its agreed and up on the planner, neither of us can complain, make a fuss or above all try the guilt trip on the other.

Hades and I have been married almost 14 years and while it could be seen as depressing that we are still having to sort things like this out, there is a positive way of looking at it.

It means that our marriage is a living, changing thing which needs regular maintenance.  If by having this silly row we sort a problem out, surely it has been for the best.

So at the risk of being soft, here are

5 Positive Things About Being Married

1. The small things can mean the most, the cup of tea being you really wanted arriving without you saying a word, finding that your partner has done the washing up when you should have and the kitchen is shining
2. There is someone to fight your corner even when you know you are wrong
3. Your partner can beat you at Scrabble every time for 14 years and still want to play
4. The cuddle at the end of row which means I still love you, you silly old moo
5. Knowing that someone thinks your company is worth fighting to keep

Persephone in Paris 

So how does it get to be a new month and I have not posted.  In part I have been busy, getting the kids to school - have I mentioned how early they have to leave - then me to work, back from work, washing, shopping and occasional cooking.  It all runs into itself so that days can go buy in happy activity.

Thinking about it, the lack of a post is in some ways a sign of positive things.  Looking back at my life I have always been my most happy when most occupied.  When I was in London and meant to be working on my PHd but in fact working three jobs, it felt wonderful.  When I was first working in Marketing, putting in  hours that would probably kill me now, on the whole I was happy.  The tiredness at the end of a day, the drinks out on a Friday evening, felt good.  Of course if you were with me then, I probably complained quite a bit because I didn't realise how right it felt, but that I suppose is the benefit of hindsight.

On the other hand, the time I lost my way most, was when I wasn't working at anything outside the home, and the structure that holds me together was taken away.  I simply find it easier to have a routine imposed and then I can blossom, get more done, think and achieve.  Maybe I should blame going away to school where everything, from getting up in the morning to going to bed at time was regulated by bells.

All of this is a prelude to saying that no blog about being positive may mean I that I don't need it so much at the moment.  True I am at that happy moment of the hormonal rollercoaster when I really feel great.  If I put my mind to it, I can be witty and bright and even fairly attractive in the right lighting.  But also I do feel I have rather given myself up to life here.  On the principle that if you can't beat them join them, that is what I am trying to do.  Child 2 is soon to go away on a school trip which she is very excited about.  Its an opportunity she would never had had at home so I embrace it, despite the worries about getting there and so on.   Child 1 is in the squad for the football team, a thing he would never have had the confidence to do because of bullying at home, again, I embrace the change in him.

In the gap since my last post I have started learning two new things, Arabic and golf.  One is essential and the other is in order to spend time with my husband in doing something he loves.  Both things felt good.  The experience of beginning makes me feel younger, healthier and more alive.  I have to acknowledge that my ages will slow the learning process up but my brain actually feels happier for it, like is saying thanking by dancing to a new tune.

So with this in mind here is ..

Five Positive Things About Learning Something New 

• You can feel you brain wake up and stretch its muscles after a long sleep
• Suddenly its like opening the door to other new things which you didn't even know were there
• You lay yourself open to making mistakes, which is a good reminder that life is all about making them and learning from them
• Learning a new skill is like being young again, when everything was possible
• Who knows, maybe the new skill will lead in ways you can not even dream of in the future.

Persephone in Cairo